10. Follows you into the bathroom and continues to talk to you about your project status--and you're of opposite sexes.
9. Makes Captain Queeg and Captain Bligh look like management geniuses.
8. Sits in on meetings you chair, saying, "Pretend I'm not here," then hijacks meeting.
7. Never takes vacation. Does get sick from time to time, but comes to work anyway, saying, "I'm needed." Takes sick days only for major surgery, and then only while still anesthetized.
6. Claims all assignments are clear and unambiguous.
5. Won't supply clear answers to questions about ambiguous assignments.
4. Corrects the way you ask clarifying questions about ambiguous assignments.
3. Has said, "I don't like surprises," but gets obvious thrills from surprising subordinates.
2. Can't always resist the urge to tell subordinates how to use the phone system. Doesn't actually know how to use the phone system.
1. Strenuously denies micromanaging anyone, ever.
Love to know if you have more signs...suggestions for dealing with such beasts are also welcome.
Captain Queeg? you're so literate, "dude"! ; )
ReplyDeletei have no helpful suggestions at this point but i'll think on it. wow, so much i've missed not working in the corporate office world.
#10 - really?!
Where oh where have you gone, Mary?
ReplyDeleteDavid Weinberger once told me that he left Portland, OR because "people there were too polite." The thing I like about Portland is that the people are generally very nice. Sometimes even polite. But I really want to talk about sarcasm.
ReplyDeleteRecently I followed and slightly participated in discussion on a LinkedIn group for local Portland high techies. The topic was, "Should Sarcasm Be Banned in the Workplace?"
Now, as a long time user of sarcasm I found this proposal absurd. Why not just ban speech? That would prevent so many transgressions. We could all learn to communicate with language independent symbols and pictographs(kind of like Euro road signs) thus avoiding poorly chosen words or the need for smileys.
The motivation for this wonderful proposal was to prevent inappropriate sarcasm at work. The proposer seemed to think that "bad" sarcasm could injure co-worker's leading to workplace problems. The goal was to place sarcasm in the same box with sexual harassment. The real effect would be to deny me employment for the remainder of my life. And probably half the people I know, too. If not more.
Then I saw that the contributor who started the thread was an HR person and it all made sense to me.
Keep up the good sarcasm. Don't let the bastards get you down.
GRW, you are a saint and a gentleman! I'm sorry to take so long getting back to you--the hotdog trade has been keeping me very busy.
ReplyDeleteI must say that only in Portlandia would such a conversation take place. Can you imagine Bostonians, or, heaven forbid, New Yorkers, trying to squelch sarcasm? Lordy.
-mttw