Ooblick of Inactivity

Sorry to have been offline for a while, Fellow Tekkies. I’ve been in a quandary on how to discuss recent events. You see, a company I used to work for, we’ll call it BabyLith, was just bought by a company we’ll call MegaLith. Before that sale went down, BabyLith was in negotiations with yet a third company, which we’ll call MondoMegaLith. The whole thing’s pissed me off in ways I can’t even be sarcastic about. But I’ll try.

I worked at BabyLith for a long time—longer in fact, than I’ve ever worked ANYwhere. Or really ever did ANYthing, being somewhat of a moss-less rolling stone. At least I was in my youth, which is swiftly passing me by (but man alive if that isn’t another story). So back to BabyLith and the long time thing: for something like 13 years, if you discount the months I was unemployed after they misguidedly laid me off and the excruciating year I was a BoredAtHomeMom (talk about another story).

During those years at BabyLith, I was stunned by the over-the-top politics at play. Scads of time and money, not to mention opportunity, was wasted as executives fought over who SHOULD be doing something, who SHOULD be controlling the budget, and who SHOULD be getting the credit (are you sensing yet another story?). Those of us wielding none of the power and all the responsibility would get some really great ideas and then get stuck in gobs of ooblick as our leaders duked it out, keeping us from doing much of anything.

Not entirely surprising then that BabyLith wasn’t doing so well. Enter MondoMegaLith stage left.

MondoMegaLith, or MML for short (ever noticed how many tech companies rely on acronyms? Sounds so much more mysterious, keeps investors in the dark, IMHO), announced an interest in buying BabyLith. BabyLith’s stock started to rise, after being in the tank since the dot.com bust—you remember that, when people started to realize that the dot.com boom was built on Mr. Bubble and twine? The pundits were all atwitter about the merger of diametrically opposed corporate cultures—BabyLith being a baggy shorts and flipflops kinda place whereas MML cornered the market in the 80s on button down oxfords. Then BabyLith said no dice, we’re not agreeing to getting bought by MML.

The Fourth Estate flew into a giggly gurgle pronouncing the audacity of BabyLith, struggling as it was, to turn down MondoMega’s magnanimous bailout. Little bits of foam formed at the corners of my mouth as I thought about how the mucketymucks had mucked up the careers of my friends still at BabyLith trying to make their mortgage payments. I did some reading (okay, I was obsessed) to find out more about The Deal.

Turns out MML was unwilling to pay the exorbitant fees associated with BabyLith’s Change of Control clauses. If I follow this correctly, BabyLith had extended a fairly common practice of guaranteeing top executives piles of pay should the company be bought, way beyond the top level of executives. Also known as a Golden Parachute, you see, enabling ThoseWhoMakeMore to be gently place on the street rather than thrown out like your average lackey. It’s a variant of the currently popular discussion going on about the Bailout—top executives have to be encouraged to stay in bad times and in good. One supposes that there are fewer CEO jobs than chump jobs, so I guess it makes sense. That assumes that the top executives are GOOD, of course, which they wouldn’t be if they’ve led the company into the toilet, but what do I know? So back to our story: MML, a presumably well-run firm, said, “The f*ck?”

For me, Tekkies, sunlight broke through the hovering gloom. My last four or five years at BabyLith were haunted by yearly and then semi-annual layoffs—times when the likes of us were encouraged to put our heads down and work harder lest the blade strike (in my case, again) and out we went. It was always us little guys, whom I’ve affectionately called the dweebs, who were left out in the cold. Scores and scores of the Indians were led out the doors whilst the Chiefs sat closer to the campfire smoking their peacepipes (sorry, think I extended that metaphor a tad too far). Well no freaking wonder! It wudda cost BabyLith way more to let the Chiefs go, what with their severance clauses.

Sure, there were other reasons that MondoMega was backing away: SEC investigations stretching the negotiations out for months, even years. A closer look at the books. A feeling of superiority. But the change of control thaing has a ring of truth in it for me.

All seemed lost. Our heroes and their feckless leaders were drifting on a rudderless raft into the smoke and mist. When off in the distance was heard the sound of hooves beating hard over the mountaintops. Scores of arrogant executives in rainbow-colored golf shirts covered the shoreline; a deal was struck. All the upper echelons of management would get their multiple years’ pay, book deals would be signed to describe the backstage negotiations. BabyLith’s technology and license rights would be assimilated into the company known as MegaLith. All was well.

And here’s where I can’t be sarcastic. All’s well unless you’re a nameless, faceless dweeb—at least as viewed from way on high. It’s estimated that between 40% and 70% of the company’s workers (remember them: the folks who have good ideas and work hard?) will be laid off after the deal closes. Jobless in the Worst Economy Since The Depression. No, I can’t be sarcastic now. Just pissed.

What do you think?