Nations have recently been led to borrow billions for war; no nation has ever borrowed largely for education. Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war and civilization. We must make
our choice; we cannot have both. -Abraham Flexner, educator (1866-1959)

Ah, Abe, how times haven't changed. In California, I hear more about potential park closures due to budget shortfalls than I hear about the potentially enormous effects the budget crisis will have on our schools. Now, Vladdie goes to a private school, so I don't feel it's my place to criticize. But it bothers me just the same.

WOW: encomium

PRONUNCIATION: (en-KO-mee-uhm)

Interesting word came my way (thank you Anu Garg!); it’s a noun and means glowing praise.

Reminds me that it’s review time in Corporate Land. I’m not sure much encomium will be flowing my way, as it’s my first time through this cycle at the new job. At my previous company, I wrote my own review. Can you say “lazy management?” You can bet there was a lot of encomium in those reviews. And without fail my bosses would take what I’d written verbatim and submit them for my review. Sweet, huh?

I suspect I’ll see a lot more meconium in this review. Familiar with that one? It’s the first stool of an infant—a “dark green fecal material that accumulates in the fetal intestines and is discharged at or near the time of birth.” Um? Bleuch.

Here’s a fancy pants example of our WOW in action:

"The speech cheered the faithful no end, as did Sarah Brown's smooth and skillful introduction of her husband. Yet though her encomium went down well with the party, it nauseated many television viewers."
Ruth Dudley Edwards; Why Mrs Brown Should Have Skipped the Heroics; Irish Independent (Dublin); Oct 4, 2009.

Oh those Irish! Always a ten dollar word.

WOW: machiavellian

PRONUNCIATION: (mak-ee-uh-VEL-ee-uhn)

It’s an adjective and means: characterized by cunning, deception, and expediency.

Is it any wonder that I’ve always been curious about this word? It epitomizes the tech world as I know it. In my salad days, I took the working world at its word. I believed what my management told me. There was the time the CEO of my company told us all in a company meeting that there would be “no layoffs.” I put that in quotes because that’s what the dude said…no layoffs. How long before the layoffs, the jaded among you ask? Why, the very next day about 25% of the company met their employment maker.

But that’s not really cunning, deception, and expediency, is it? Cunning, deception, and expediency would be more like telling the 200K odd people who work for you that everyone was going to have to pull together as a team, take one for the gipper, cut their pay so others could work and then pocketing your $48 million dollar bonus and laying people off anyway. But we’ve talked about this before…or I should say, I’ve yammered on at you before about this one.

So back to our word: it originates from Niccolò Machiavelli (1469-1527), Florentine statesman and author of The Prince, a political treatise describing use of craft and deceit to achieve political power. I’m pretty sure I’ve worked for his great-great-great-grandson.

Usage that my friend-whom-I’ve-never-met-but-admire-just-the-same Anu Garg quotes is thusly:

"Rumours of Machiavellian plots and conspiracy theories have permeated the period of mourning."
Darryl Broadfoot; Mitchell: End the Revisionism; The Herald (Glasgow, Scotland); Nov 23, 2007.

Use it in a sentence today!

Bitter, party of 1, your table is ready.

Kids, pull up a chair—I've got the mother of all rants singing in my soul and I've got to let 'er out.

I had the unavoidable pleasure of presenting my project to the company’s European marketing team this week. This group has a new VP, whom we'll call Jason, and who's based in the UK. Apparently Jason was looking for an opportunity to take it out and whip it all around to impress his new subordinates. And unbeknownst to me I was served up as the whipping girl du jour.

Firstly, I should point out that to accommodate my colleagues in Europe, I had to get up at the UNGODLY hour of 5am, chug some java, and get on the road in the DARK in order to get to the conference room on time. Man alive, I am so NOT a morning person. Archie and Vlad know not to talk to me or really even to look at me until I've been upright with coffee cup in hand for at least 60 minutes. Imagine then my state of mind going into this meeting.

These days we in the tech world conduct inter-continental meetings remotely, so my boss and I sat together in the large, empty conference room, hovered around an alien-shaped speaker phone. Really this thing looked like it could crawl off the table and install itself in my brain stem. In retrospect, I wish it had.

Slowly, the team in points East of Eden assembled and promptly muted their phones, so that I was literally and figuratively presenting to an empty room. Luckily my uber-micromanager boss kept leaning across me to adjust the contrast on my laptop screen and muting the phone as I was speaking to give me pointers on what I should say next. Can you say not-giving-me-that-confident-feeling?

And finally the crescendo of our morning-time meeting: Jason said that the campaign creative looked like "the back of a software box" and had nothing of interest in it at all. Kids, I appreciate a smartass simile as much as the next gal, but not when it's directed at me. Yes, I can dish it out and no, I can't take it. He went on but I won’t bore you or embarrass myself with the details of what he said.

I waited a few minutes and thought about telling him that his accent reminded me of back episodes of "Dr. Who" from the 70s and asking him what his personal relationship with deodorant was. I briefly considered telling him that his was the empire that crumbled and lost what turned out to be the largest world economy in history. I even thought about telling him that I hated the Beatles and rejected every contribution to pop culture that has ever come out of the British Isles.

Instead I thanked his team for their support and told him it had been a pleasure working with them. In the end, that felt better—Brits get sarcasm, don't they?

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. -Khalil Gibran, mystic, poet, and artist (1883-1931)

Top ten signs it’s time to look for a new job

Kids, when’s enough enough? How do you know it’s time to move on to the next gig? Here’re some telltale signs of mine.

10. You find little bits of spittle on the sides of your mouth every time you talk to your boss.

9. You have images of yourself running through fields of flowers toward your company’s biggest competitor.

8. You say, “What’s it to YOU?” every time someone asks you for a status update.

7. Your hand hurts at the end of each business day from slamming your fist on the edge of your desk.

6. You giggle and delete without reading every work-related email you receive.

5. Just before you delete those work-related emails you insert an emoticon.

4. You actually say out loud “What the f**k?” when your boss gives you a new project.

3. You wish there were an emoticon of a head sticking through a noose.

2. You try to make an emoticon of a head sticking through a noose—wasting hours trying to get the angle just right.

1. You find yourself swabbing the mess at the state pen because of a wild spree with an ax in the office … wait, no, then it would be too late to look for a new job, wouldn’t it? [Oh come on! What’s a little hyperbole among friends?]

What've you guys got?

WOW: gimcrack

PRONUNCIATION: (JIM-krak)

I like this word. As a noun, it means: Something cheap and showy, of little use. As an adjective: Showy, but worthless.

I'm giddy thinking of all the ways this word applies to my workaday world. For instance, the gimcrack project I'm working on right now. I told my boss on Friday that I knew no one would use the particular aspect of the project I'm busting my butt to finish. I'd literally spoken with folks around the world who said they didn't need it. In other words, I had empirical evidence of gimcrack. You know what she said? "We promised to provide this today, so keep going."

I'm sorry? Did I inadvertently suggest that I think and apply reason to my work? Silly me.

So anyway, back to our word. Its etymology is uncertain, as my sources say: "perhaps an alteration of Middle English gibecrake (small ornament), possibly from Old French giber (to shake)." That'll clear things up, won't it?

Here's an example I really like: "Uncle Rabid Prophet TechEye has worshiped more gimcrack bits of junk and practiced more half-baked religions than all of Hollywood combined."
Bow Down And Open Your Wallet; Warsaw Business Journal (Poland); Aug 21, 2006.
Special thanks to Anu Garg for pointing out this word.

Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way. -Martin Luther King Jr., civil-rights leader (1929-1968)

Plenty of kind, decent, caring people have no religious beliefs, and they act out of the goodness of their hearts. Conversely, plenty of people who profess to be religious, even those who worship regularly, show no particular interest in the world beyond themselves. -John Danforth, priest, ambassador, senator (b. 1936)

When you don't know what to do...

...reorganize! When I was a little girl, I frequently moved the furniture around in my room. Growing up in Connecticut you see was not as thrilling as it sounds . . . so imagine. Getting up in the middle of the night to pee took on a new thrill as I wondered briefly where I was and then, more importantly, where did I put that daing bookcase.

Reminds me of a company I worked for that would scoot around their executives every summer, a game of musical chairs--only there were always enough chairs for them. They'd put a VP of marketing here, a Senior VP of engineering over there, and a Director of new business development in the corner. [Note: you never want to be in charge of "new business development" it's just one step away from "spending more time with your family."]

So, how do you like what I've done with the place?

Michael Moore: Capitalism, A love story--Get ready!

It appears that Michael Moore has been reading Mary the Tech Worker and made a movie about the very things that drive her crazy! Get ready to watch it later this week:

Oh, the pain, the pain!

Kids, sometimes it just hurts to think! Get this, which I found on BusinessWeek Online (Sept. 27th if you need to know):

But directors also need to be sensitive to perceptions. Problems can emerge when leaders appear to be reaping high rewards at a time when they're demanding sacrifices from their workers. Wharton School professor Peter Cappelli says such moves can seem "patently unfair" and argues they can undermine morale. [...] Even though some CEOs seem focused on staying ahead in the pay stakes, leadership guru Warren Bennis warns that "employees are extraordinarily wary and watchful" right now.

Ya think, Warren? How does one get to be a "leadership guru" anyway?

It stuns me that execs look to BusinessWeek Online or your average Wharton School professor for such an obvious assessment. Still further in the article:

Consider ConocoPhillips. In January, CEO James J. Mulva cut 4% of the Houston oil giant's workforce. Two months later the company announced that Mulva had earned $29 million in 2008, on top of nearly $100 million he had made in the two prior years.

And not surprisingly:

Conoco did not respond to repeated requests for comment.

I'm just gonna come on out with this: Where's the f*cking revolution? What more do people need to see that the working world, for one, is a grossly unfair one? Why can't the undermined come together rather than taping tea bags to their foreheads and pretending they're among the elite?

I wish I were a religious gal, isn't that the opiate of the masses? I need something, that much is true. And riddle me this: can you tell me where I got the title of this blog post from? The right answer gets you my undying adoration.

Location, Location, Location

My management has their knickers in a knot about us being physically present in the office. I know this is a small thing to complain about when so many people don’t have jobs, but this asinine request is sitting in my craw.

For five years, I worked for a large corporation from my office at home. No carbon fuels used to get there, no contribution to highway jams; I didn’t risk my life riding alongside people who were putting on makeup or texting whilst wielding around their 2-3 ton vehicles at break neck speeds. And if I needed to talk to my ob/gyn every few months, I didn’t have to whisper or give my colleagues way more information than they care to have about my menstrual cycles.

Now, that company did not put this work-from-home policy in place just to please the likes of me. And frankly, I’m sure decreasing the company’s carbon footprint was not their prime directive either, although they did find a way to work it into their PR quite often. No, kids, they did this because it was CHEAP: they realized that real estate in Cupertino and New York and Singapore is expensive.

While I’m sure the company bigwigs wouldn’t care, this policy made people stick around. Not exactly loyalty, more a matter of convenience--the philosophy enabled a great work/life balance for us working slugs. We could have dinner with our families at reasonable hours, we could take an hour off to pick up our kids from school and log back in when they’d gone to sleep, we could in other words, have a life and have a job.

Enter current company: my management says that working from home is not in their plan. They want butts in seats. They frequently walk the aisles to do what we affectionately [sic] refer to as “bed checks.” They have, in my most humble opinion, this juvenile view that unless we worker bees are visibly working away at our desks, we’re goofing off. You know, us kids, we just can’t be trusted. I say, you trust people, they respond in kind. You treat them like children, well, you get what you ask for.

So I trudge in, trying not to rub bumpers with any of the idiots who are texting their friends about the traffic or reading the newspaper, just to get on the phone and talk to the people I work with in Australia, London, and Massachusetts. Or worse, I plop down at my teeny tiny desk in my itsy bitsy cubicle in the huge warehouse that I work in, just to hear my coworkers talk into their phones to their colleagues in Milan, Chicago, and Texas. It’s maddening. I can’t think. Sometimes I got off to what’s privacy booth, which is an airless enclosed room with a phone and an Ethernet drop. Kind of like a jail cell only not as nice.

In my old job, I was known for the work I did. I was promoted twice in five years because I got things done, had good relationships with people, and was generally known as the fabulous person you’ve come to know and love. Not because of how long I sat at my desk.

What do you think?

Firedrills

Snakes alive, it happened again! I’m working away at last week’s action items when the call comes from on high: we’ve got an emergency! We need [fill in the damn blank]. It’s a different blank every time, but the urgency is always the same. Executive management is looking! Executive management needs this! Hurry!

Yours truly says, “I’m sorry, this seems stupid. Do I really need to drop everything to get this done?”

Kids, when will I learn? How will I ever be the geriatric marketing manager I need to be so that I can pay my son Vlad’s college expenses?

The furrowed brow, the tapping pen on the desk, that’s all I need from my boss to know that yes, I must! Now git!

So I git. I git so much that my head hurts. I scurry around like the little mouse that I am grabbing at straws for the big cheeses—Mush, mush!

I get statistics, I get bar charts, I get metrics galore. I put them into a report. I polish the report with snappy words and phrases. I find some graphics, I find some illustrations. I send it to her, I send it to him, I send it to all of them. And I wait. And I wait some more.

But no one ever says anything. No one ever reads the report. They’ve noticed a new shiny ball in front of their faces. They’ve got to look into this one now. What am I waiting for? Let’s get a move on! We need this, we need this now! What are you doing over there? We need you over here!

I think this is why god made vodka martinis and the people who drink them.

What do you think?

Word of the Whenever results

No one seemed to like my great idea for a word of the whenever: rhubarb, as in “a heated dispute; brawl.” As in:

“People should get their domestic rhubarbs, verbal fisticuffs, and emotional jugular-snatching completely out of the way before they show up for a house tour." Richard Ford, Independence Day

Don’t you love it? [Fisticuffs, btw, is another favorite of mine. You’d be surprised how often I work it into everyday conversations.]

Sandy taunted me with: “Rhubarb pie is a little too tart for my taste.” And said her sentence was laden with hidden meaning. I think that means she was mad at me.

So I retorted with:

I know you did that on purpose, Sandy. Just trying to stir up a little neighborhood rhubarb, aren't you? ;)

Get it? See and the smiley face at the end showed that I’m not mad at her. Brilliant, no?

No one followed suit, tho, until Ricardo came up with his WOW: Mendacious - lying; untruthful; false. And submitted:

In her only vice-presidential debate, she was shallow, mendacious and phoney."
- Michelle Goldberg at guardian.co.uk on Sarah Palin

Any dig at Sarah Palin wins in my book [that woman scares the bejeezus out of me], but the winning entry has to be from Janette, who came up with:

The woebegone reveler cursed the bartender for the mendacious suggestion of a $30 Margarita which left her with a hang-over despite the price tag.

You’d had to have been there, which I was.

So Janette—send me your word!

Leaving in Droves

As anyone who’s been within 20 feet of me in the last six months knows, my company instituted a paycut in February. Trickle down—execs got bigger cut on salary only leaving their huge bonuses untouched, blah blah blah. Guess what? Now that some say the economy is picking up, people are starting to leave for greener pastures. Surprised? Neither am I.

But man! the steps this company will go through to dance around the most important issue on the table. Get this: they do a quarterly employee survey to gauge workers’ attitudes. Hello, that disconnected from reality that you can’t figure out on your own that people get pissed when you take their salary away? Not surprisingly, in March the survey showed that workers were not all that happy. By putting two and two together, the smart folks at my company determined that people were going to leave in droves the second they could. What do you think they did about it? Reinstitute the legally agreed-upon rates of pay?

Nope: they did what all big companies do, they formed a committee and named it Community Cares. Kids, working in high tech is so ridiculous that I don’t even have to look for things to ridicule. [Reminds me of Jon Stewart begging people not to vote for W in 2004; said his job would be hard again if the other guy won.]

Every few weeks we get notices from the Community Cares committee, telling us all the great things they’re doing to make our jobs better. My individual group formed a – yep, you got it, they formed a sub-committee—to find ways to improve employee satisfaction. I’m screaming inside “Give me my money back!” like the teeny tiny woman in her teeny tiny house [did you guys ever read that kids’ book? One of my favorites growing up]. The sub-committee’s bright idea was to subject us to a dreadful 2-hour presentation by HR covering the online tools we must use. Boosted my morale and job satisfaction, you betcha!

What is it with the corporate gods? Do they get together behind closed boardroom doors chuckling cynically at what they’ve done? Or are they really clueless?

What do you think?

Top ten brown nosing comments

Brown nosing isn’t my forte, but I’ve worked with some of the best over the years. Here’s a sample of what I’ve heard.

10. You look great in that color.

9. Did you think of that yourself?

8. I’ll work on this at lunchtime.

7. You were an animal in that meeting.

6. I sure do have a lot to learn from you.

5. Can I offload some projects from you?

4. Brilliant!

3. Want me to run out to get you some lunch?

2. How are your kids/dogs/cats anyway?

1. No, no, it’s okay if you put your name on my report. It’s as if you wrote it anyway.

Love to hear any you guys might have.

The Free World vs Engineers

What is with software engineers anyway? Have they been sent directly to the planet, bypassing the usual stops along the road of life that bring the rest of us humility, compassion, and the ability to take direction? Buckle up, kids! I’m on a rampage.

Say you’re the marketing executive whose JOB it is to come up with a product strategy. Imagine that you spend weeks creating a killer product requirements document after doing things like meeting with customers, talking to analysts, analyzing research data, only to have that document CAST ASIDE by an engineer who FELT LIKE doing something else. Can you stand it?

If you’re in the tech world, you know this happens all the time. You know that when the rest of us are meeting to plot product execution and develop roadmaps, those stinking engineers are in the BREAK ROOM playing PING PONG. And you know that some months later, when a product is released that has NOTHING TO DO with the product strategy you recommended, a product who’s functionality that the doc people can only guess at, a product that the QA people can’t imagine how to test, you KNOW that if you call a meeting with the engineers responsible, you KNOW they won’t show. Hell no! Especially not if it’s before 11am because they won’t be in yet—having stayed up till 4am playing online Dungeons and Dragons with their virtual friends in China.

You also know that when customers receive this piece of crap they’ll never disrupt their data centers to install it. Analysts and press will be stumped. Product revenue will go down, which in turn will make the stock tank and piss off the shareholders. The CEO will look to her staff saying, “The f*ck?” Her staff will look to their staffs, and so on down the line until the buck stops at your office. After all, it was YOUR JOB to write the product strategy.

I know you engineers out there have loaded your slingshots, but go ahead, I can take it.

What do you think?

Word of the week winner

So maybe it's not actually going to be the word of the week. Word of the fortnight? Word of the whenever I feel like it? We'll go with that.

In any case, the word of the week was: Persnickety, which means "overly particular about details or trifles; fastidious, punctilious." Here are the runners up and ultimate winner:

• The fabulous Sandy's entry was timely and cute, just like she is: "I was quite persnickety about how the car should be packed for camping. Every time kevin added an item I would pull it out and put it somewhere else."
  
  
• Janette had a wicked good entry as well: "Despite the throbbing pain in her wrist, the photographer kept clicking the mouse to suit her persnickety standards."
  
  
• But Ricardo stole the show with his entry, which exposed the British version of the word in such a witty way: "Per Snickety's instructions, the mechanics were persnickety in their inspection of the American's truck and pernickety in their examination of the Brit's lorry."

I'm so proud to call you kids my friends. Watch for the next word of the something or other contest. Feel free to add a comment below using the word in a sentence....

Top Ten List

I've been thinking of lists lately. Not much of a list maker myself, but there are several that swirl around in my head and mostly surface on a Monday. Here's one:

Top ten things *not* to say when your boss gives you a new project:

10. This looks hard.
9. Why can't *you* do it?
8. I'm too busy.
7. This seems like a waste of time.
6. This seems stupid.
5. I'm too strategic for this kind of project.
4. I'm too tactical for this kind of project.
3. This shouldn't take me much time.
2. Oh, good, I haven't had much to do lately.
1. This looks easy.

Have any to add?

Marketing These Tough Times

Have you noticed how we’re being advertized to these days? Just the other night, Archie and I were watching TV and on came a commercial for some cheap restaurant saying essentially: you don’t have much money these days so come try our $5 meals. I’m sorry, that’s just sad. Corporate marketing is all over These Tough Times, too. There’s one profitable company I know that’s taken to promoting that “this economy is going to separate the winners from the losers.” How offensive is that?

I believe that most large corporations have been opportunistically increasing their own wealth over the past six to nine months and hiding those actions under a cloak of economic hardship. I’m not saying that the economy doesn’t suck, but I am saying that perhaps our economic engines could batten down the hatches some, hold on to their workforces, and see what happens rather than shedding jobs willy nilly while simultaneously increasing share price for their stockholders. And I think our government should hold these Titans of Commerce accountable for the worsening of the economy that they’re causing by adding to the ranks of the unemployed.

Even as I type these words, I see collective eyes rolling up into collective sockets. Oh, Mary, don’t be so naïve. Next you’ll be talking about Society with a capital S and wearing love beads. But really, pals, isn’t a culture, especially a thriving, sophisticated culture like we Americans like to think we have, about more than Social Darwinism? Call me a pinko commie if you like but it really doesn’t seem extreme to me at all to ask our business community to extend some compassion to their workers. To perhaps hold off on expectations of constant increased profitability and growth while our economy rights itself. Instead we have impatient, greedy corporations taking from the poor to give to the rich [remember my pay cut and the company’s uptick in profitability?] and laying people off without conscience. All the while telling each other that they’re the strong ones; those jobless folks were too weak to make it anyhow.

Kids, perhaps I should get off my soap box and wipe the spittle from the corners of my mouth.

What do you think?

Random time

I'm having trouble getting started today, pals. Perhaps all this Independence Day talk has gotten to me and I suddenly think I have the independence to follow my whims whenever and where ever I choose. In truth, I'm feeling somewhat ripped off that I only got one stinking day off for the 4th of July. I've grown a sense of entitlement about these things -- long weekends should be at least four days long. And I should never have to work on Mondays.

In any event, found an interesting tidbit in a newsletter this morning. Seems that an event will take place later this week, something that happens once and only once over the course of history. Shortly after noon on July 8, comes the moment that can be called 12:34:56 7/8/9. Is your skin tingling with excitement, too?

In a couple of years we'll have 11:11:11 11/11/11.

Can you tell that I'm so not in the mood for Monday morning?

What do you think?

Social Media Maven

I’ve launched a Facebook page all of my own and I want you to join me! Look to the right, follow the link, become my Facebook friend.

My plans for the page include sharing pithy quotes that I come across in my literary meanderings as well as hosting a weekly contest. What’s that, you say, a contest? Yes! I’m going to share a word of the week and invite my friends to include the word in a sentence in the comment section.

I’ll then use highly subjective guidelines [essentially whatever makes me laugh or think the most—depending on my mood, you getting the highly subject part?] to select a “winner” [in truth, you’re all winners and you know that]. The winner will have opportunity to provide a guest post right here on marythetechworker.blogspot. Can you imagine?! Joining your friend Mary in the limelight center stage? Think of the fame and accolades that’ll come your way.

You can, of course, decline the opportunity to guest post and simply bask in the glory of being a winner.

What do you think?

Generation Gap Research

Given our recent conversations on marriage equality and kids in the workplace, I thought I’d share results from a Pew Social and Demographic Trends that I came across. Turns out that researchers at Pew are reporting the largest generation gap since 1968. Apparently we disagree “increasingly on social values ranging from religion to relationships.” Almost 80% of those interviewed thought “there is a major difference in point of view of younger people and older people today.” That’s the highest spread since 1969, “when about 74% reported major differences” and “just 60% in 1979 saw a generation gap.” Ah, the 70s! We were so much calmer then. Must have been all that big hair and gel.

Relevant to our discussion on marriage equality, the report shows that younger people have greater tolerance on “cultural issues such as gay marriage and interracial relationships.”

I thought this was interesting:

“[T]he generation gap in 2009 seems to be more tepid in nature than it was in the 1960s,… Today, it’s more of a general outlook, a different point of view, a general set of moral values.” A kinder, gentler generation gap?

And this:

“While more than half of those under 65 think they will experience memory loss when they are older, only one-quarter of people 65 and older say they do so.” Um, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be unkind, but er, couldn’t they have FORGOTTEN that they’ve experienced memory loss? I mean, isn’t that the POINT about memory loss? Never mind.

And not surprisingly:

“Americans differ on when old age begins. On average, they say 68. People under age 30 believe it begins at 60, while those 65 and older push the threshold to 74.” Duh! You don’t hear 20 somethings saying 20 is the new 10, do you? But have you talked to a 40 something who doesn’t claim that 40 is the new 30?

And lastly:

“Of all those surveyed, most said they wanted to live to 89.” I don’t have such a precise goal, do you?

What do you think?

There's a poll over there!

Kids, look right. See the poll right next to this post? Click whichever button most closely represents how you feel about the tone of this blog. Come on! I know you're here, and I can't believe only three of you have an opinion about my opinions. So vote! I won't know who said what, so don't worry about that.

Vote as many times as you want, I don't care. Think of it as the Liberals Revenge! Pretend it's November 2000 and you're in Florida, or Ohio [or was that Pennsylvania?] in 2004. Vote once, vote often, just vote!

Notes on marriage equality

Dear pals,

A close, but somewhat blog-shy friend sent me an email commenting on my last post. Since s/he is such a wicked smart person, I wanted to share his/her comments with you all. Here, then, without editorial comment, is the note [Hope that's okay blog-shy pal!]:

Gay marriage is something that I have a hard time with--not because I'm agin it, but because I think its advocates are making lots of mistakes that play into the hands of their opponents.

First, let's not pretend, as I heard some people say in the California debates, that this is such a fundamental right that it may not be subject to the political process. In the world of fundamental rights, it's an extremely recent discovery, and I think it's unreasonable to expect people to accept it as such simply because some Supreme Court or another said so. As with Roe v. Wade, it is a political mistake, as well as something that's extremely damaging to our political and social fabric, for an unelected council of "wise men" to yank a contentious issue out of politics when the nation as a whole isn't anywhere near a consensus. Lead, certainly--but not by so much that the bulk of the people can't even see you.

It was absolutely critical, in the case of gay marriage in Massachusetts, that the otherwise spineless, corrupt, and generally contemptible legislature finally came up with the intestinal fortitude to vote on a petition to amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage (after the SJC had made it a right)--various of the legislative "leaders" were trying all kinds of shenanigans to let the petition die without a vote, in clear violation of the state constitution's clauses dealing with amendments. Because they voted, even though the amendment didn't get enough votes from the legislature to be put on the ballot (and therefore died), the opponents of gay marriage could no longer argue that they'd been shut out of the process.

I don't think the opponents of gay marriage generally have good, solid, well-reasoned arguments to use--there aren't any. But. Tradition, visceral reaction to change, visceral reaction to hearing that your cherished beliefs, learned at your mother's knee, are primitive and irrational, visceral reaction to hearing that you have nowhere in politics to express those beliefs... You have to deal with those things, too. Time will work. Patience will work. Bullying, not so much. Judicial decrees, in this context, count as bullying. Let the legislatures with the stones to address the issue do so, and eventually the rest of the country will be too embarrassed not to follow.

What’s threatening YOUR marriage?

A new blogging friend wrote recently about our country’s current, and hopefully temporary, inability to support same-sex marriage. I blogged about this briefly in the past, but I’m pissed again and need to vent.


Small-minded opponents to same-sex marriage say that it threatens “traditional” marriage. How ridiculous is that? My husband, whom I’ll call Archie, and I don’t argue about whether or not Sid and Tony should get married. No, the top three things that married couples argue about are: sex, money, and in-laws [I know, I can’t believe I quoted Dr. Phil either!]. I can assure you that my marriage to Archie would not be in the least bit threatened if Rob and Dave, our neighbors up the hill, were to marry each other. Quite the opposite: their 23-year bond is an inspiration.

Clearly, this threat-to-traditional-marriage bs is a specious smokescreen for what they really object to, but for the life of me, I can’t imagine what that might be. Some words in an ancient document written and re-written over the past 2000 years by unknown sources [sorry, I know this comment might offend some of you, but I just have to say it]?

I’m so ashamed of what used to be the most progressive state in the union, my adopted state, California, for passing the hateful Proposition 8 last November. I think we should decouple marriage from our secular government altogether. We should all get civil unions, gay and straight, and civil unions should come with all the protections that are now applied to marriage. Then if religious folk want to seal their union in a church of their choosing, go dog go!

Kids, I’m standing in my cubicle now, red-faced, banging my fist on the desk. I better sit down and get back to work before I get fired or something.

What do you think?

Oh those kids!

Ignited bi-coastal culture wars with the last post, let's see what we can stir up on age-ism. Remember my earlier post on the trend to hire college grads? Well, check this out:

If you recall, I said that companies I know are pushing to hire Generation Yers because they're cheaper. So I read today in a story from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette that Gen Yers aren't having any of it. These folks are "largely disappointed with the workplace" and are "leaving jobs within a year or two and costing companies big investments in training and turnover."

Firstly, WHAT? American businesses looking at the short-term gains and not the long-term costs? I can't believe it [sic]. And secondly, serves 'em right.

Lastly, the article concludes with saying that "we as baby boomers [current workers and parents of Gen Yers] told them [Gen Yers] they can do anything." The Gen Yers "don't feel compelled to stay in jobs they don't like if they can go back to living with their parents until the next thing comes along."

Man, that's rich! The current workforce raised a generation of kids who are not only replacing them at work, but then turning up their noses at the jobs they get from their parents because the jobs aren't good enough. And then, moving home to live with their parents, the very ones who are being displaced. Is life a circle or what?

What do you think?

The beat goes on

Halfway through a bottle of wine with a good buddy last Thursday night, the conversation turned to blog talk. My friend commented that I, your pal Mary, was negative. Or at least that this blog was negative. Now granted, this friend is a native Californian and they do tend to be rather nice people. A calm, gentle people perhaps tinged with a touch of smugness now and then, but who wouldn't be with near-perfect weather most of the time. [I can’t tell you how many times after moving here from the East coast people asked me, “Why are you so angry?” BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY! And there's a lot to be angry about. But I digress...]

Anyway, it got me to thinking. Am I too negative, should I just go with the flow more? Then, just in the nick of time, another good buddy, this one on the East coast and traveling to points even farther east of Eden, sent me a link to a song that so completely validates my point of view. [Apparently the farther east one goes, the more … angry … one becomes.] Really, check this song out … it’s hilarious. Warning: it’s not fit for children and you may find yourself singing “F**k you” in a cheery tone all day. But it’ll be worth it.

What do you think?

Shut up!

Kids, I know you’ve been here: 42-minutes into a scheduled 60-minute meeting and the conversation’s winding down. Maybe the boss is nearing the end of her soporific about taking your ethics training or updating your professional profile. You feel the end of the meeting coming on. You wonder if you’ll have time to get a cuppa joe. Heck, maybe you’ll even get to go to the bathroom before the start of your next meeting.

And then the boss issues the killing words, “Anybody have anything else?” or, even worse, “Let’s do a quick roundtable.”

OMG! I feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising. No! not a roundtable. Because you know no one but me is going to say, “Nothing new to report, my projects are moving along on schedule.” Oh, no. Everyone’s got to sound busy, officious, important. It has to seem like everyone’s thinking really hard, solving crises, or critically needing the boss to help them resolve an issue.

If you’re on the phone, you can roll your eyes a few times. I find that helps relieve stress. But if you’re all in a room together, it’s deadly. Then you have to look politely around as everyone yawps on about Bill not completing his dashboard items or Phyllis forgetting to contact the lawyers. [Is anyone named Phyllis anymore?]

Sometimes in meetings like that I imagine my coworkers as children, or more precisely what they were like as children. It’s easy with the engineers: they’re exactly as they are now, only smaller. [Ha! That’ll get ya to comment, won’t it, TA?] The marketeers probably all had red hair and freckles and had trouble sitting still. And the finance people…hum, tell the truth, I’m not sure I’ve ever been in a meeting with a bunch of finance people. There’s usually just the one—who tells you you can’t do what you want to do. Bored, detached, oh so fed up with you all. Or was that the attorney? And we all know what the attorneys looked like when they were children, don’t we?

What do you think?

Minions

Read a newspaper article recently that discussed how college grads are worried about getting jobs In This Economy. I have some good news for them: the two high tech companies I've had the most recent experience with are looking exclusively to hire college grads. I wonder why? Let's think about it...

One of my bosses put it out there that the company wanted to hire "junior" people. That way, her reasoning went, we seniors [not AARP members, mind you, it would be illegal to refer to our age] could have help with the grunt work as we set our sights on rising the corporate ladder. Um, okay, that's possible. But at that company, the ladder in question was chock full of rabid risers who were frantically kicking at those below. So I'm not sure the company was really interested in putting more of us on the road to success.

Another manager at that company made a mistake and told half the truth to the folks on her staff. She said that the company was looking to get new blood and new ideas in a last ditch effort to change the company's image to that of a hip, happening software company rather than the aging dinosaur that it actually was. No wonder that manager was having trouble being promoted to director.

My current company makes no bones about the truth: new college grads are cheaper. And they're malleable: make them what you want, then when they start to make more money, pitch them for newer, even younger lickspittles (great word, isn't it?).

I guess in a way I appreciate being leveled with. Or maybe as Sheryl Crowe says, lie to me.

Back to the article, tho. There's a picture of this dude sitting on a velour sofa amidst strewn dirty laundry, video game controller, a guitar, and a leopard print pillow. Did he read in a book how to look like a stereotypical college boy? Yikes! Turns out he just got his undergrad degree in history. And he's JUST NOW worrying about getting a job? What was he thinking four years ago? That McDonald's would be hiring, so no worries?

Sorry, I love history, and I love literature, but if you're gonna major in those things in college, forget about worrying about getting a job. Just have a trust fund.

What do you think?

New best friend

Kids, it seems there's a writer at The San Jose Mercury News from whom I was separated at birth. Check it out: Cassidy: Are layoffs wrong? We should at least be asking the question, San Jose Mercury News, 6/5, Mike Cassidy

Here's something I love from his post: And looking at the list of the bosses [from a recent SJ Merc survey] and what they make, shouldn't we ask whether it's morally defensible for a top executive to accept tens of millions in pay while he is destroying the lives of his workers? Can a chief executive who is set for life really understand what it's like to face the loss of your job, home and self-respect?

I think I love this guy.

What do you think?

Quarterly yammerings

It’s that time again—end of a quarter when we get cascading messages of hope and prosperity from our executives on high. For those of you who haven’t experienced this before, allow me enlighten you: First there’s a message from god (aka, the CEO) telling us the state of the company. Then comes a message from demi-god (or the eVP, aka executive vice president) giving us the spin of the state of the company for our business unit. And lastly, there’s a message from a mini-god (our VP) telling us the impacts for our division.

We all sift through these emails looking for clues—will there be layoffs, if so when and how many? Will we get [another] pay cut? Will we be reorganized? You get the drift. After the stream of coordinated messages, comes the cadence of All Hands meetings. Where did that “All Hands” terminology come from? As in, all hands on deck? Are we pirates? Cruise ship pursers? I’m not sure. Anyway, we all gather together and get uplifting, well scripted messages about what all this means for us.

Sometimes something interesting is revealed in these meetings, most of the time we watch them to see if we can tease out executive politics—such as, is the VP of Product Management vying with the VP of Business Development for the eVP’s favor? Is the CTO sleeping with the VP of Marketing? That kind of vital stuff.

This week, our VP excitedly told us that even though revenues were down (furrowed brow and frown), profits were up (BIG smile). We sat in the audience pasting a matching smile on our faces while thinking, isn’t that a reflection of cost cutting? And weren’t those cost cutting measures essentially our pay cut? So doesn’t that mean that the company turned a profit, giving shareholders a return on their investment (aka cash in their pockets), by taking money out of our pockets? Call me crazy pals, but I think it does.

Some brave soul asked about this. S/he submitted the question electronically, so I have no idea if s/he is still employed with the company. The question was phrased very politely: this pay cut is hurting, is there any sign that once revenues upturn our full pay will be reinstated? I must say, I thought the VP was a bit annoyed by the question.

He started his answer by saying this action was beyond his control (Apparently, it was god’s decision. And god called the pay cut a “salary correction” in his state of the company address, so we know where he stands.), but he could guarantee that when the company did turn around it would reward those who worked hard to make that happen. He also said that the company would not keep all the profits in that case, he was sure it would give some back to us to fund further R&D and budget increases. In other words, so that we could make more profit for the company.

Since when, buddies, is giving people back what you took from them “rewarding” them? And if I read all this correctly, he told us to sit down, work harder, and we’d be rewarded later by being asked to work even harder than that. Oh, and if we’re lucky enough or high enough in the food chain for our contributions to be recognized, we might get a little reward.

There was an article this week in a technology trade rag stating that a certain profitable company was closing production in a small European country, and moving the work to India. The prime minister of the European country called the action “disgusting”—saying that the citizens of his country had worked hard to help the company make money and now the company was abandoning them. Would anyone in power in this country even raise this issue? I think not. I heard someone say recently that capitalism was a good engine but it was not a good foundation for a culture.

What do you think?

Unhealthy preoccupation

I’m obsessing about this executive pay thing. Truth be told, I’ve been having heart palpitations about this for years, even before the government bailout made it trendy. That CEO I was writing about earlier? The one who cut his $1.5 million base pay as a gesture of sympathy whilst tucking his $48 million bonus in his theoretical bra strap? Just wanted to report that last year his salary went up 68%. And you can’t tell me that his stellar performance at the helm warranted this raise, as shareholder return for the same period of time fell 28%. Trust me kids, even in the best of times [we’re talking the 90s here] us lowly tech workers were thrilled to see anything above 10%. And we’ve been seeing the bottom of 3% ever since.

I know, I know, so what’s new with this, Mary? Nothing, it’s just the trendy bailout thing and the paycut I’ve received and the cynicism of throwing $300K over the fence to show that times are tough all over makes me sick.

And get this: Four of the ten hightest-paid executives on the AP’s list for financial firms have been the biggest bailout recipients. Goldman Sachs guy got $42.9 million, and so did the dude over at American Express. Yeah, that’s right: those two banks got billions [no hyperbole here, really billions] in bailout money.

How am I sposta get up and go when these guys have gone up and went with such gusto?

What do you think?

The Cynicism of Others

Far be it from me, pals, to be critical of the cynicism of others, living most of my life in aforesaid state [I’ve been reading legal briefs lately, let the reader be warned], but this one’s got me going. Remember I told you a while ago about the pay cuts at my company? Twenty percent at the top, trickling down to the bottom dwellers like me who get 5% less each pay period? Well the results are in and I’m gonna blow. Check it out:

The CEO put forth this emotional case detailing that to keep the company viable we all had to make sacrifices and he’s taking the biggest hit. I read yesterday that his 20% cut only applied to his $1.5 million base pay. No surprises, I spilled those beans weeks ago. And no secret that he still gets his bonus, presumably bolstered by having cut costs company-wide with the damn pay cut. But get this: his bonus is $48 MILLION DOLLARS [can you hear my heart pounding from where you sit?].

Now, okay, I get it, he’s a smart guy, he’s making the big decisions. And our company is doing okay, not failing like BabyLith, who’s CEO only got $11 million dollars for running that company into the ground. A year that is, $11 million a year. But to throw $300,000 back at the employees as a gesture of magnanimity [yes, that’s a word, I looked it up] while tucking $48 million in his bra strap [just a symbolic statement, I’m not suggesting he’s a cross-dresser, how would *I* know?]…kids, that’s even more cynical than your friend Mary can fathom.

I’m trying to imagine someone saying, “Mary, you’re the best damn blogger this side of the Atlantic. Here’s $50 million dollars, bring it on!” Would I sheepishly turn aside, blushing slightly, and say, “Oh come on guys, I do this for the love of it, I don’t need your money”? Likely not, I’d realize that every weekly blog post [I could probably do them weekly with 50 Gs sitting in the bank] would rake in upwards of $1 million…assuming two weeks for the winter shutdown and a modest trip to Aruba every year {snigger, let the record show: I’ve never even been to Aruba}.

I found out too that colleagues in other parts of the world had to vote on whether or not to accept the pay cut. Apparently, other countries have laws that PROTECT workers. Go figure. Anyway, at least one country decided they’d rather continue paying the mortgage than work for free [oh come on! What would the world be without hyperbole?]. Now those who voted for the cut are waiting for the axe to fall [that’s hip talk for “layoff” as opposed to tech talk of “RIF” which stands for Reduction in Force, not Rest in Foreclosure].

It’s all got me thinking about what my superstar Bill Maher has been saying: when’s enough enough? Do we need CEOs to be managing for growth constantly? Yes, we had some good times in the 90s, but do we have to have year-over-year growth that makes mega-mega millionaires mega-mega bajillionaires?

What do you think?

Ooblick of Inactivity

Sorry to have been offline for a while, Fellow Tekkies. I’ve been in a quandary on how to discuss recent events. You see, a company I used to work for, we’ll call it BabyLith, was just bought by a company we’ll call MegaLith. Before that sale went down, BabyLith was in negotiations with yet a third company, which we’ll call MondoMegaLith. The whole thing’s pissed me off in ways I can’t even be sarcastic about. But I’ll try.

I worked at BabyLith for a long time—longer in fact, than I’ve ever worked ANYwhere. Or really ever did ANYthing, being somewhat of a moss-less rolling stone. At least I was in my youth, which is swiftly passing me by (but man alive if that isn’t another story). So back to BabyLith and the long time thing: for something like 13 years, if you discount the months I was unemployed after they misguidedly laid me off and the excruciating year I was a BoredAtHomeMom (talk about another story).

During those years at BabyLith, I was stunned by the over-the-top politics at play. Scads of time and money, not to mention opportunity, was wasted as executives fought over who SHOULD be doing something, who SHOULD be controlling the budget, and who SHOULD be getting the credit (are you sensing yet another story?). Those of us wielding none of the power and all the responsibility would get some really great ideas and then get stuck in gobs of ooblick as our leaders duked it out, keeping us from doing much of anything.

Not entirely surprising then that BabyLith wasn’t doing so well. Enter MondoMegaLith stage left.

MondoMegaLith, or MML for short (ever noticed how many tech companies rely on acronyms? Sounds so much more mysterious, keeps investors in the dark, IMHO), announced an interest in buying BabyLith. BabyLith’s stock started to rise, after being in the tank since the dot.com bust—you remember that, when people started to realize that the dot.com boom was built on Mr. Bubble and twine? The pundits were all atwitter about the merger of diametrically opposed corporate cultures—BabyLith being a baggy shorts and flipflops kinda place whereas MML cornered the market in the 80s on button down oxfords. Then BabyLith said no dice, we’re not agreeing to getting bought by MML.

The Fourth Estate flew into a giggly gurgle pronouncing the audacity of BabyLith, struggling as it was, to turn down MondoMega’s magnanimous bailout. Little bits of foam formed at the corners of my mouth as I thought about how the mucketymucks had mucked up the careers of my friends still at BabyLith trying to make their mortgage payments. I did some reading (okay, I was obsessed) to find out more about The Deal.

Turns out MML was unwilling to pay the exorbitant fees associated with BabyLith’s Change of Control clauses. If I follow this correctly, BabyLith had extended a fairly common practice of guaranteeing top executives piles of pay should the company be bought, way beyond the top level of executives. Also known as a Golden Parachute, you see, enabling ThoseWhoMakeMore to be gently place on the street rather than thrown out like your average lackey. It’s a variant of the currently popular discussion going on about the Bailout—top executives have to be encouraged to stay in bad times and in good. One supposes that there are fewer CEO jobs than chump jobs, so I guess it makes sense. That assumes that the top executives are GOOD, of course, which they wouldn’t be if they’ve led the company into the toilet, but what do I know? So back to our story: MML, a presumably well-run firm, said, “The f*ck?”

For me, Tekkies, sunlight broke through the hovering gloom. My last four or five years at BabyLith were haunted by yearly and then semi-annual layoffs—times when the likes of us were encouraged to put our heads down and work harder lest the blade strike (in my case, again) and out we went. It was always us little guys, whom I’ve affectionately called the dweebs, who were left out in the cold. Scores and scores of the Indians were led out the doors whilst the Chiefs sat closer to the campfire smoking their peacepipes (sorry, think I extended that metaphor a tad too far). Well no freaking wonder! It wudda cost BabyLith way more to let the Chiefs go, what with their severance clauses.

Sure, there were other reasons that MondoMega was backing away: SEC investigations stretching the negotiations out for months, even years. A closer look at the books. A feeling of superiority. But the change of control thaing has a ring of truth in it for me.

All seemed lost. Our heroes and their feckless leaders were drifting on a rudderless raft into the smoke and mist. When off in the distance was heard the sound of hooves beating hard over the mountaintops. Scores of arrogant executives in rainbow-colored golf shirts covered the shoreline; a deal was struck. All the upper echelons of management would get their multiple years’ pay, book deals would be signed to describe the backstage negotiations. BabyLith’s technology and license rights would be assimilated into the company known as MegaLith. All was well.

And here’s where I can’t be sarcastic. All’s well unless you’re a nameless, faceless dweeb—at least as viewed from way on high. It’s estimated that between 40% and 70% of the company’s workers (remember them: the folks who have good ideas and work hard?) will be laid off after the deal closes. Jobless in the Worst Economy Since The Depression. No, I can’t be sarcastic now. Just pissed.

What do you think?

A Rose is a Rose is a Rose

Poor Joe the Plumber (did you ever think you'd read those four words together in my blog?!). He got so much flak for his name not really being "Joe". So I figured I'd better 'splain myself toute suite should my 15 minutes of fame arrive before I've had the chance to tell you that "Mary" is not exactly my name.

You see, my mother was a devout Roman Catholic (not the least of her flaws, I'm afraid) and in a fit of devotion decided to name her four daughters "Mary." Quite a long-lasting fit, I'll agree, as my eldest sister is fourteen years older than I am. But before you go off imagining a Who's on First kind of scenario ("Mary, did you brush your teeth? Not you, Mary, I can see that you have your tooth brush in your hand. Oh, Mary, will you stop spitting into the sink just to prove you've used the toothpaste!"), I should tell you that “Mary” was worked into our names as either the middle name (eg., Margaret Mary), the part of a two part name (ie., Rosemary), or the first name. I unfortunately, have "Mary" as my first name. It's caused me a lot of heartburn.

I've always gone by my middle name. Except in grammar school, Catholic grammar school that is.The nuns refused to believe that anyone who had the chance would not want to be called "Mary." After all, they'd given up perfectly reasonable names like, say, Joan Collins, to rename themselves something incorporating as many little-known saints as possible. Like, say, Sister Mary Xavier Ignacious. (I could never understand why they chose men's names so frequently. Something for Master Freud to figure out, I'm sure.)

In first grade, the teacher would say something like, "Mary, would you recite the Our Father prayer?" and I'd look around for the dope who didn't know the lord's prayer by now only to find Sister Mary YoureInBigFatTroubleNow staring at me hard. They thought I was stupid, or worse, a troublemaker. Man! you don't want to be a troublemaker in Catholic grammar school. At least not if you're me. Point of fact, you don't want to be stupid either, since they weren't above humiliating the stupid in those days.

In college, I tried to be an initial initial—kind of like F. Lee Bailey, only with an M. But that was weird and pretentious. (So was I in college, wasn’t everybody?)

Ah! So many memories and so little blogging space. Which brings me to a point I wanted to make (doesn't everything, tho?): why, exactly, am I writing this blog?

Oh, big, long, silent pause.

Sure I want to rant and rave about the inanities of the white collar working world—or slightly browned collar, colored by the sweat we in the trenches work up supporting the silly ideas of those on top of the totem pole. And then there’s the necessity of ranting about the current political situation; I mean, who’s not worked up these days, whichever side of the fence you’re on. And then there’s my everyday life of husband and kid and dogs and cats and friends and family and coworkers, the everydayness that most people close to me are sick of hearing about. I’m hoping there’s a larger audience out there who will hear me out.

Mostly I want to give voice to those of us in the real working world who are experiencing these trying times. I think about stuff, I work in the corporate world, I listen to the news (since the stinking newspaper delivery people refuse to deliver the paper to my rural home anymore and I'm too old to be getting my news online--don't get me started on that one or I'll truly blow!). I know I’m not alone in my opinions and I have to get them out there, to hear what other people think and have opinions about. And I need to blow off at least some of the stress and tension of my everyday life.

So bear with me, in fact, join me!

Incidentally, I saw Joe the Plumber on Bill Maher a few weeks ago (another few words one wouldn't expect to appear together in quite that order). Did you catch it? I was surprised by how intelligently Joe came across. I hope everyone thinks the same thing when they see Mary the Tech Worker on Bill Maher (does saying those words together make it happen?).

What do you think?

Things I hate

I may live in Northern California, but I was raised by New Yorkers and spent considerable time in the Northeast corridor. So you can bet I know from hate. In my family growing up, we hated people who had more money than we did. We also hated people who had less money than we did. We hated people who didn’t go to mass every Sunday; truth be told, we hated those who did go—especially once we got into the crowded parking lot with them. When I first moved to San Francisco I thought I was the only one in the city capable of strong emotional reactions to ANYthing.

I could rant and rave endlessly about politicians who posture and obfuscate just to increase their own standing, regardless of what that does to us poor slobs who are trying to keep our jobs and houses. But what thinking person wouldn’t be upset about that? And I guess I shouldn’t get started about the LACK of thinking people who frequently participate in our electoral process. For instance, in this past election? How could anyone have been undecided? I mean, what were they? Dead?

I hate corporate CEOs who announce that the company needs to institute pay cuts, magnanimously laying out how it is to be a gradated cut, starting at the top and trickling down to all the dweebs. Sounds great until you realize that base pay is only a tiny fraction of the total executive compensation package. And if the CEO’s top goal was reducing costs throughout the organization, this pay cut just got him his bonus.

I hate it when people in my yoga class fall asleep during the meditation. I mean, take a nap before class if you’re that tired.

I hate when my husband leaves his boat-size shoes around the house. And I hate that my 8-year-old son is starting to do the same thing with his nearing boat-size shoes.

I hate it when I don’t wake up in time to get my 14-year-old greyhound outside in the morning before she poops on the floor. I really hate it when I step barefoot in that cold slippery poop. But I hate most of all that she’s not going to be around pooping, whether indoors or out, that much longer.

I hate when butthead conservative zealots from Utah shove millions of dollars into promoting their narrow points of view in my state so that we pass a ridiculous and hateful proposition that keeps my gay friends from having the same access to the legal system that I have. Stay in your own state. Marry as many teenage brides as you can convince to marry you, I don’t care. Just leave us alone.

I hate that I know so many people who have recently lost their jobs. I hate that the world feels totally out of control these days. I hate that there are nuclear bombs and nutcases who would use them. I hate bubble gum ice cream. I hate complacency and laziness and people who are mean.

What do you think?